I just want y'all to know that the title of this blog post means "I own my own magazine, it deals primarily about my balls"
I hope you guys had a beautiful thanksgiving! Do people in France celebrate thanksgiving? Do they even know how to love? Do they feel anything at all? Well of course they don't celebrate thanksgiving, but I had the honor of getting TWO this year! The first was at my friend Emily's house. She is an American, but her Godmother is french and she stays with their family here in Aix in the biggest, most beautiful house I have ever seen. Emily cooked a very traditional (and delicious) thanksgiving meal. We got to hang out with her french kids, and I even got to go down into THE WINE CAVE which was fucking like, the torture chamber from the Silence of the Lambs. The dad sends me and Ben Jones down the most janky-ass unstable ladder in all of France, and then asks us to pick out a couple of bottles. First of all, these bottles were all old and dusty, and probably came from the secret vintage wine stocks of the Titanic or something. If you want Ben and I to chose the best type of boxed wine or maybe bag wine, well fuck yeah, we are your duo. What if we were to randomly pick some bottle worth 50000 Euros or something?
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| Waiter! This wine is from 1773! TAKE IT BACK, WE DEMAND SOMETHING FRESH! |
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| Looking up at the hole from our prison |
I could have cried at the hospitality of that beautiful family
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| The American Dream |
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| homemade pecan pie-- SOUTHERN COMFORT |
I should have taken more pictures of the actual food. We ate stuffing, turkey, gravy, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, sprouts, yams, and both pumpkin AND pecan pie!
That celebration was actually on the day before thanksgiving. On the actual Thanksgiving, my friends pulled together this beautiful hodgepodge thanksgiving dinner. DELICIOUS. And although we didn't have exactly the right thanksgiving foods (two small chickens= one turkey, right?), the sentiment was there.
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| Green Beans, Gravy, Chicken, Mash Tators, Pasta, TONYS C REPRESENT! |
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| Jan feeds Frances the Feast |
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| Our French friend Cyril dressed like an Indian by wearing a leopard print loin clothe and this headdress. Appropriate or racist? I will count it BEST OF BOTH WORLDS |
So yeah, Thanksgiving kicked ass. You know what does not kick ass? THE FACT THAT I SPEND HALF MY LIFE SEARCHING FOR CRAP. I must be the most forgetful person in all of Europe or the United States. I have been in France less than 3 months. I have gone through 4 PHONES because I constantly lose them. It is not even when I am drunk that I lose them either-- usually I can pinpoint the exact time frame and the exact room that I lose my crap. DESPITE THESE VERY PRECISE ELEMENTS I can never find my phones. This past time I lost my phone, when I went to get another one at the phone store, THEY COULD NOT SELL ME ONE BECAUSE I ALREADY HAD BOUGHT 3 PHONES IN LESS THAN 6 MONTHS. You know who are the types of people who buy these many "non contract" phones are? Drug dealers and prostitutes. These phone expenses are also starting to add up (especially since one of the phones I lost I put 60 Euros on credit on. I've learned my lesson, from now on I go at 10 Euro intervals).
But it is not even just my phone! I lost my keys the other day. My dorm building loaned me a copy to "search for the original" but I just took the one they gave me and made my own copy of that. Not only did I make myself a copy, but I made 5 others to give to my neighbors and friends in case this ever happens again. I also will bury one in a secret location. The other thing that sucks about losing my keys is that I also had my mailbox key on the same key chain. Guess I can't check my mail anymore!
In addition to my PHONE AND KEYS I also lost my wallet last week. Freaking out for three days about my money situation, I randomly checked my school's lost and found box. BY SOME KIND OF THANKSGIVING MIRACLE someone found my wallet and put it in the box with ALL OF MY MONEY AND CARDS IN TACT. I honestly had 70 Euros in cash that anyone could have taken. Holy shit!
This past weekend my friends Ben, Manon, Corbin and I spent a night in Avignon. Just for a change of scenery. Let me sum up to you quickly some events.
- In France, Hot Wine is a popular holiday drink. Let me tell you this though, it taste like shiiiittt
- Some weird guy on the street talked to Ben and I for thirty minutes and wrote some poetry for us. He was eating a sucker and drooling everywhere
- Saw some guy with really beautiful muttonchops *HIGHLIGHT OF THE TRIP*
- Ate a really fancy dinner in a classy restaurant, which fast forward in the night I would throw up from drinking too much boxed wine
- We stayed in a hotel where the power was out for the majority of the night. Surprisingly prepared since I had brought a flashlight and Ben and brought candles.
- Watched the french game show version of Password on TV
- It snowed and I didn't know what to do
- Sang Neutral Milk Hotel songs into the wee hours of the morning
- Saw a car show that contained 3 cars... one of which was just a regular car.
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| He said he wanted to marry my mother so they could have bilingual children together. FAT CHANCE DUDE, ARLENE IS TAKEN |
HONEST TO GOD HP SPOILER ALERT::::::
P.S. Did y'all see the new Harry Potter? Rupert Grint is so beautiful I could die. The only English man I could ever love, I think. And what was up with that Hermione/Harry love scene? Did they have to be naked? I was like, I am not sure if I am ready to see Hermione's nipples. Just saying, little trashy. It was really cool seeing it in a french theather, because after the movie I heard this french girl say "POURQOUI DOBBY EST MORT? IL ETAIT TROP CLASSE!" Which means, Why did dobby die? He was so classy! Okay, so I guess it can also mean "cool" but I just imagined she doesn't like it when classy people die.
I will leave y'all with this weird video. I freaking love it.
