Je possède mon propre magazine, il parle principalement de mes couilles

I just want y'all to know that the title of this blog post means "I own my own magazine, it deals primarily about my balls"

I hope you guys had a beautiful thanksgiving! Do people in France celebrate thanksgiving? Do they even know how to love? Do they feel anything at all? Well of course they don't celebrate thanksgiving, but I had the honor of getting TWO this year! The first was at my friend Emily's house. She is an American, but her Godmother is french and she stays with their family here in Aix in the biggest, most beautiful house I have ever seen. Emily cooked a very traditional (and delicious) thanksgiving meal. We got to hang out with her french kids, and I even got to go down into THE WINE CAVE which was fucking like, the torture chamber from the Silence of the Lambs. The dad sends me and Ben Jones down the most janky-ass unstable ladder in all of France, and then asks us to pick out a couple of bottles. First of all, these bottles were all old and dusty, and probably came from the secret vintage wine stocks of the Titanic or something. If you want Ben and I to chose the best type of boxed wine or maybe bag wine, well fuck yeah, we are your duo. What if we were to randomly pick some bottle worth 50000 Euros or something?

Waiter! This wine is from 1773! TAKE IT BACK, WE DEMAND SOMETHING FRESH!

Looking up at the hole from our prison

 I could have cried at the hospitality of that beautiful family

The American Dream

homemade pecan pie-- SOUTHERN COMFORT

I should have taken more pictures of the actual food. We ate stuffing, turkey, gravy, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, sprouts, yams, and both pumpkin AND pecan pie! 

That celebration was actually on the day before thanksgiving. On the actual Thanksgiving, my friends pulled together this beautiful hodgepodge thanksgiving dinner. DELICIOUS. And although we didn't have exactly the right thanksgiving foods (two small chickens= one turkey, right?), the sentiment was there. 

Green Beans, Gravy, Chicken, Mash Tators, Pasta, TONYS C REPRESENT!

Jan feeds Frances the Feast

Our French friend Cyril dressed like an Indian by wearing a leopard print loin clothe and this headdress. Appropriate or racist? I will count it BEST OF BOTH WORLDS

So yeah, Thanksgiving kicked ass. You know what does not kick ass? THE FACT THAT I SPEND HALF MY LIFE SEARCHING FOR CRAP. I must be the most forgetful person in all of Europe or the United States. I have been in France less than 3 months. I have gone through 4 PHONES because I constantly lose them. It is not even when I am drunk that I lose them either-- usually I can pinpoint the exact time frame and the exact room that I lose my crap. DESPITE THESE VERY PRECISE ELEMENTS I can never find my phones. This past time I lost my phone, when I went to get another one at the phone store, THEY COULD NOT SELL ME ONE BECAUSE I ALREADY HAD BOUGHT 3 PHONES IN LESS THAN 6 MONTHS. You know who are the types of people who buy these many "non contract" phones are? Drug dealers and prostitutes. These phone expenses are also starting to add up (especially since one of the phones I lost I put 60 Euros on credit on. I've learned my lesson, from now on I go at 10 Euro intervals).

But it is not even just my phone! I lost my keys the other day. My dorm building loaned me a copy to "search for the original" but I just took the one they gave me and made my own copy of that. Not only did I make myself a copy, but I made 5 others to give to my neighbors and friends in case this ever happens again. I also will bury one in a secret location. The other thing that sucks about losing my keys is that I also had my mailbox key on the same key chain. Guess I can't check my mail anymore!

In addition to my PHONE AND KEYS I also lost my wallet last week. Freaking out for three days about my money situation, I randomly checked my school's lost and found box. BY SOME KIND OF THANKSGIVING MIRACLE someone found my wallet and put it in the box with ALL OF MY MONEY AND CARDS IN TACT. I honestly had 70 Euros in cash that anyone could have taken. Holy shit!

This past weekend my friends Ben, Manon, Corbin and I spent a night in Avignon. Just for a change of scenery. Let me sum up to you quickly some events.

• In France, Hot Wine is a popular holiday drink. Let me tell you this though, it taste like shiiiittt
• Some weird guy on the street talked to Ben and I for thirty minutes and wrote some poetry for us. He was eating a sucker and drooling everywhere
• Saw some guy with really beautiful muttonchops *HIGHLIGHT OF THE TRIP*
• Ate a really fancy dinner in a classy restaurant, which fast forward in the night I would throw up from drinking too much boxed wine
• We stayed in a hotel where the power was out for the majority of the night. Surprisingly prepared since I had brought a flashlight and Ben and brought candles.
• Watched the french game show version of Password on TV
• It snowed and I didn't know what to do
• Sang Neutral Milk Hotel songs into the wee hours of the morning
• Saw a car show that contained 3 cars... one of which was just a regular car.

He said he wanted to marry my mother so they could have bilingual children together. FAT CHANCE DUDE, ARLENE IS TAKEN

 So I should end this post and go to bed. For all you about to take on your finals, the best of luck! I am starting mine soon as well. And to all of my Jewish friends (Emma), Happy Hanukkah! 




HONEST TO GOD HP SPOILER ALERT::::::

P.S. Did y'all see the new Harry Potter? Rupert Grint is so beautiful I could die. The only English man I could ever love, I think. And what was up with that Hermione/Harry love scene? Did they have to be naked? I was like, I am not sure if I am ready to see Hermione's nipples. Just saying, little trashy. It was really cool seeing it in a french theather, because after the movie I heard this french girl say "POURQOUI DOBBY EST MORT? IL ETAIT TROP CLASSE!" Which means, Why did dobby die? He was so classy! Okay, so I guess it can also mean "cool" but I just imagined she doesn't like it when classy people die.

I will leave y'all with this weird video. I freaking love it.

I'm gonna continue reading this marvelous piece of literature that stinks like dog shit

Where to begin! I feel like a lot of the stuff I will write about will be about food. Can you say PICNIC WHAT WHAT? We live right next to this beautiful park, and on one sunny sunday afternoon, we went Yogi Bear style.

Bananes, wine, cheeses, chocolates, tomatoes, biscuits, bagettes, YUM

The Gang

Mostly there were just a lot of "how long can you keep your legs in the air" competitions:

So all my friends Baton Rouge theme parties had been making me jealous, so we decieded to throw our very own. ROCKABILLY. We cooked hott dogs and french fries, dressed up greaser and pin up style and listened to sock hop music. For my outfit, I wore a pink and black high wasted skirt, a black lingere corset and a black cardigan. Accessorized with a hair flower and thigh high stockings BIZAM! And for some reason Blogger isn't letting me finish this post, so I will be back soon with PART TWO of this post because I still have more stuff to tell yall.

I won most slutty rock-a-babe award

Jan and I. I like his slicked back hair and buddy holly glasses

No Vinaigrettes!!

Sorry for the lack of posts lately, I have been balls deep in adventuring I guess. What has been going on lately? The other night I decided to cook for 10 of my friends in the dorms. What was on the menu? HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF A BATLOC?? They are so fucking good.  I will just copy and paste the details I made for the group event::

If you are wondering what you should do with your lame ass Thursday night, here is the answer:

COME STUFF YOUR FUCKING FACE WITH SOME FUCKING FOOD

What's on the menu? DO YOU KNOW WHAT A FUCKING BATLOC IS???
...Batloc is a sandwhich which contains::
Bacon
Avocado
Tomato
Lettuce
On
Croissant
(You can also put other stuff! Aka Mayo! Mustard! Chips! Cocaine! WE DON'T JUDGE HERE!)

DID THE GODS COME UP WITH THE SANDWICH COMBO?? Maybe. Or maybe it was my mother. EITHER WAY YOUR MOUTH BETTER BE SALIVATING AT THIS POINT.

There will also be FUCKING SALAD and FUCKING DESSERT. SNACKS ON SNACKS!!!!! WHY WOULDN'T YOU EAT THESE THINGS?!?! 

So we didn't have school this Thursday because of Armistice day, which was great because I needed to go to Carrefour to get all the supplies. Carrefour is like Wal Mart in France-- they've got it all. It is really far away and usually you have to take a 20 minute bus ride to get there. My friend Ben graciously offered to go with me to help me carry stuff. We actually decided it would be more badass to run all the way there and then take the bus back. BUT THERE WAS A CATCH. I had a time limit. I am doing a project with two Chinese girls (I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEIR NAMES ARE AND HAVE BEEN SKIRTING AROUND THIS FACT FOR WEEKS.... )and I had a rendez-vous with them in my room at 3 p.m. We we a little worried we would get totally lost trying to find our way there, but surprisingly we only got a confused once (a wee bit delay) and we ran to carrefour in UNDER AN HOUR. We were fucking proud. But there was a big hitch in the trip-- for the trip back we were planning on taking the bus. We fucking got on the wrong bus, heading towards FUCKING ARIZONA or some shit (it took us into some mountain desert) where we had to get off the bus and wait for the bus driver to pee in some bushes before we could get back on the bus and towards our original destination.

So yes, I was late for my Chinese rendez-vous, but not for the reasons we had expected. But you know what they say about women-- they like it when you make them wait.

So then we ate fucking Batlocs that night and it made me so homesick. Especially for bacon!

Ben Jones was Bacon Master of the night. And I quote "Fuck love. Bacon is the real battlefield"

So much Avacado! Lettuce!

 Hard Boiled Eggs, Goat Cheese, Tomato, Avocado

Me and my bacon master

Michelle's first Batloc

Well it was a lovely dinner, and everyone was well fed. I spent about 60 euros on the food, but I was paranoid about having enough to eat for everyone and I bought too much. And I spent 20 Euros on the desserts which were fucking delicious. So for ten people that came out to 6 euros per person. The night ended abruptly when we were kicked out of the kitchens for having alcohol. What bullshit! We weren't causing a ruckus, we were just having some wine with our dinner. I MEAN COME ON THIS IS FRANCE. And plus, we were all well over the drinking age.

This weekend we decided it was time to have another gutter punk weekend. This included my Ben Jones and I running to downtown Aix carrying Wine Bombs. At one point while running downhill, Ben promptly SKIDDED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PAVEMENT FOR FOUR MINUTES. I seriously remember watching it and it feeling like a lifetime. When is this guy going to stop skidding all over this pavement? He received plenty of nasty cuts and was pretty bloody, which if you look at it in a glass full type of perspective, went along great with our gutter punk theme. I took pictures of his cuts the next day, but they do not represent how bloody and badass he looked

Hey, what you doing tonight? Not givin' a fuck, probably.

J Christ? More like, B Jones.

But the greatest part about it was that after he fell, he got right back up and we continued our drunken run. The night turned out alright, but there were a bunch of British people who kept trying to cock block our good time. Seriously, I don't mean to generalize, but most of the British people I've met here in France suck ass.

Today I got to hang out with my neighbor Lea's mom. She is an English teacher in Bordeaux France and she let me and Ben correct some of her student's papers. 

Tonight, my friends and I went to my favorite fucking fast food restaurant in Aix. Scratch that. FAVORITE ANY KIND OF RESTAURANT OF ANYWHERE. It is called BURGERS AND CHICKENS. The thing about it is that not only is it cheap and delicious, but the building itself is the same set up as all of the clubs in Aix. And there is a TV and you can watch anything you want. We watched LES SIMPSONS

Manon Jan et Corbs getting ready for the BEST MEAL OF THEIR LIVES

Watched Les Simpsons in French. They must have some all simpson's network in France because they played like, 5 episodes in a row

We were like "how will we ever finish this mountain of fries" and then "Where the fuck did all the fries go?"

My sandwich included a hamburger patty, a chicken patty, tomato, a fried egg, and a hash-brown on Texas Toast WHAT?

Me dancin' in the Burgers and Chickens lounge

Tomorrow we are having a picnic in the Park. I can't wait to eat 12 bananas in a row there.

I will leave you all with a video I will dedicate to my Canadian friend Andrea Cownden (if she reads this blog). My Canadian friend showed it to me. All I am sayin' is, I am ready to move. Vancouver, HERE I COME.

I Can't Believe I Wasted a Whole Jar of Chicken and Stars What An Idiot

Can we just talk about how fucking cool my friends in Baton Rouge are? Check out this Venture Bros. themed halloween pic:

Go Team Venture!

Seeing things like this on facebook make me want to jump on a plane and get the hell out of France. In France, they don't hardly celebrate Halloween at all. Why? It is a freakin cool holiday where you dress up as someone way cooler than yourself and then party and eat candy. What is not to like about this holiday? Check out my friend Emma Fick's halloween rendition of Frida. IT'S TOO GOOD.

God what a class act!

SO what has been occupying my life I've returned to civilization aka Aix En Provence? Two words: Wine Bombs.

God, what a class act!

 A WHOLE NEW LEVEL OF SOPHISTICATION. We've been to box wine, then classed it up to BAG wine, AND NOW MAY I PRESENT TO YOU THE WINE BOMB. In two flavors: rouge and rose. You know those plastic containers that you fill with gasoline and keep in your garage/car trunk for emergencies? Well take one of those and fill it with cheap wine and you've got the wine bomb. How much would you pay for one of these wine bombs? A normal box of wine cost about 9 Euros and holds about 3 liters of wine. BUT THE WINE BOMB HOLDS 5 LITERS OF WINE AND COST 4.50 EUROS. WHAAATTTTTTTT????? How is this even legal? Do you guys realize how much fucking wine this is for 4.50 Euros?? Also, they are heavy as shit, and I live a thirty minute walk from the grocery store to my dorm, so whenever I have to carry one of these home I pretend to be The Bride from Kill Bill when she is training with Pai Mei and she has to carry those really heavy water jugs and crap. It's pretty fun. The only problem with the Wine Bombs is that they are so huge and full of delicious wine that they are nearly impossible to pour without getting wine fucking everywhere. Solution? We pour that shit in the shower. It just adds to the classiness of the already quite classy situation.

So in Barcelona I bought a pocket knife for 11 Euros which I thought afterward was a pretty stupid move, since I tend to lose things so often, but let me tell you, this pocket knife IS CHANGING MY LIFE. I feel infinitely safer (not that French people EVER scare me... even when they should I can't take them seriously because, well, they are French), I have already used the hidden tweezers in several situations (emergency grooming, removing splinters, etc), and the knife and corkscrew function I use all the time. I highly recommend any badass to start carrying a knife, but specifically a Swiss army knife.

That's all for tonight. I will leave you with this thing I like

Moderation is Like Language. You Gotta Learn That Shit When You're Young.

HOLA MI AMIGOS!!!! Just got back from Spain last night. How beautiful can a place be? Great company, delicious food, janky adventures. I left by bus on Thursday with Manon (Austrian) and Frances (Australian). The bus ride was pretty uneventful except that we got stopped in Avignon for a bit because of blockage caused by the FREAKING STUPID STRIKES that I wish would just go away. We got to Barcelona around 11 p.m. and went out for drinks at this swanky hotel before going to our hostel. So at the hostel we are in a room with three other people who are not there, but we can tell from their luggage and crap they have everywhere in the room that they are dudes. We go to bed, but are woken up when they return at 3 A.M. TO DO LINES OF COCAINE OFF THE DESK OF OUR ROOM. Whhhaaaaaatttttt. I tried to act all nonchalant or whatever, but I had never seen anyone doing cocaine. Then they proceeded to SMOKE WEED which was pretty smelly and the owner of the hostel came in to yell at us. I was pretty sure we were all going to get kicked out, but luckily the guy was just like "You kids are too trouble! No marijuana here!"

So we found out the other guys were from South Africa (they were white and spoke English, so not as exotic as you may be imagining). We told them that I was Austrian and my name was Margo (my fake name for the entirety of the voyage, and homage one of the coolest chickas I know, Margo Sullivan) and we told them that Manon (who actually IS Austrian) was Sarina from Louisiana. This was pretty hilarious because Manon has a very thick Austrian accent, so to prove she was from Louisiana she just played Garth Brook's "Calling Baton Rouge" on repeat on her ipod speakers. One of the guys had actually just visited Austria and was asking me if I had been to all these different bars and I was like, "ummm.... I've heard of that one, just never been. I hear that is where people drink sometimes! Is that the one with the stools and the alcohol? Yeah I may have been there. Austria is cold, isn't it?"

We ended up going to the out with these guys later in the week. They actually turned out to be pretty cool for the most part.

Manon with one of the Africans. Whut's up, cute stuffs?

During the day we walked all around the city and took pictures. I got to see a bunch of the famous Spanish architect Gaudi's works.He is super famous because he created all these crazy houses and cathedrals that were inspired from Nature. In this one house we visited, there were no straight lines. It was like being underwater. The guy was a genius. Check out this shit:

Casa Batllo-- Free Audio Guides With Entry HELL YEAHHHH

The walls look like fish scales, and the staircase like a spine

His master work, the Sangrada Familia. He died before finishing it, and people have been trying to get it done for years. He died because he wanted to get a view of it from across the street, and as he was walking backwards, a tram hit him.

So the party atmosphere in Spain is really fun. Manon and I hit the streets looking for adventure (Frances headed home early-- there is some kind of flu going around and sha bebe was under the weather). We found this free outdoor ska concert AND I WAS IN GUTTERPUNK HEAVEN. Everywhere I looked there were dirty beautiful boys with muttonchops and peircings. I was too shy to talk to any of them though (mostly because I don't speak spanish). It was just so refreshing to find boys that are not so feminine *cough cough french dudes cough*. Seriously, I just wanted to ride the subways all night and kiss gutterpunk boys. After the ska show was over, we went to this one swanky bar where it was Manon's heaven because she loves older sophisticated men. Spain has something for everyone!! We ended the night at this kind of indie bar where Manon successfully flirted with the waiters (BEST IDEA EVER HELLO FREE DRINK CITY!!!) and they invited us to a dance club after they got off work. When the club closed around 4, they invited us to an apartment party. Hello funville! I love apartment parties. It was Halloween themed (even though it was the Saturday before Halloween) so a lot of people were dressed up. The DJ was a cow. I ended up hanging out with this British guy named Ignatius (what kind of name is that?) who was a bad kisser but a great dancer. I told him I was heir to the Petco throne. I also just screamed "MI CASA ES SU COCHE" at Spanish people the whole night which literally means "MY HOUSE IS YOUR CAR". I didn't know this at the time, but apparently if you say that it is in some kind of sexual context like, are we going to do it in my house or your car? I just wanted practice my Spanish!

Anywhoziles, the party was fun and we didn't get back till 7 a.m. Spanish people know how to party.

The next day we were joined by Michelle P and her friend Sophie! They are both in France, but her friend is in Dijon. Finally we had Spanish speakers in our group! The rest of the trip was very sex and the city. Going around town, a lot of girl talk, delicious meals with Sangria and generally feeling great.

Paella, holy crap this shit is the bomb

Every night for dinner we ate Tapas and drank Sangria. Tapas are like finger foods and you order a bunch and everyone shares and then you're in the best mood of your life and everyone makes out and it is like the feeling you get when you find out that the class you felt bad about sleeping through was canceled anyway and you are like YESSSSSSSS

Shout out to E. Fick! Traveling sweater picture in a Barcelona park. Got that skirt from a Spanish vintage store

At the market. Even their commerce is a Fiesta!

Frances and I had an afternoon to ourselves and she asked me what I wanted to do. I told her, jokingly, I wanted to go to the uncircumcised dick museum. Hilariously, she brought me here. I googled "Barcelona Dick Building" and found out the name is the Torre (tower) Agbar. Seriously.

Sadly, I had to leave beautiful Barcelona. I used Covoiturage and once again, a great experience. I only paid 25 Euros to go from Barcelona to Aix, and I rode with this french couple and another passenger who was from Romania.

SO! Let's sum up the trip

Things Lost:

*Phone. Status: Recovered (left it in old hostel while switching to a new hostel, pas grave)

*One 10 Ride Metro Ticket. Status: Recovered (I found it after I bought ANOTHER 10 ride ticket, however)

*Grey Sweater. Status: Recovered (Frances merely borrowed it! But she took great pleasure in thinking I had lost it)

*Flashlight. Status: Missing in Action. (I gave it to other hostel members to search around in the dark for stuff)

Things Bought:

*Vintage Skirt

*TWO CALCULATOR WATCHES ONLY 5 EUROS!

*Swiss Army Knife. Already cut the crap out of me and my neighbor accidentally.

Now it is back to the ole ball and chain. I'll leave you with a song I've been listening to a lot lately. It is Elvis Perkin's While You Were Sleeping.

P.S. What is going on in the States? Are there some kind of elections going on? How do I vote for Chester A Arthur?

The Politics I Want, The Mutton Chops I Need

Goodnight, Pals!

Je Me Couche, Tu Me Trouve

So dear readers, I am sorry in the lapse of posts. Just been really busy with my usual janky adventures. Where to even begin?

This past weekend I took my first real trip out of Aix to a city called Saint Etienne. My friend Manon insisted that I go, and when she told me my Canadian crush Corbin was going as well, I was all in. We were going to stay with her two friends who she had met randomly in Austria. She saw them in a McDonalds at 2 A.M. with these huge backpacks, so she tried to help them find a hostel. All the hostels turned out to be full, and she let them spend the night. They all got along so well they ended staying their whole trip with Manon.

So let me tell you about this great website that we used for transportation. Train tickets were going to cost us 80 euros (since it was such short notice) but then we got word of Covoiturage. Covoiturage is kind of like couch surfing but with cars, and it is usually not free. People post when they are going on trips and how many places they have open in their car, and then you carpool together and pay a predetermined price. This may seem a little unsafe, but you talk beforehand with your driver and other people rate and leave comments about the drivers. We were also traveling in a group of 3, so we felt a little better about it (none of us had tried it before). We paid only 20 euros to go all the way to Saint Etienne, and took a wonderful 4 hour drive with THE HOTTEST/NICEST french man ever. He was 46, and very classically handsome. His name was Denis and he was a pilot studying his Masters in Aix but lives in Clarmont. He told us that he does Covoiture all the time, and everyone he has met through it was nice. We listened to The Beatles, The Cranberries, Phil Collins, and The Blues Brothers Soundtrack. I had such a good experience with it I am actually using it again this weekend to go to Barcelona, Spain with some friends. It will only cost me 25 euros, whereas a bus ticket is 41. CAN I GET A "AMEN!!?"

Then we met Max and Pierre, the two friends of Manon. I found out that Pierre is going to study next year in LAFAYETTE LOUISIANA. What are the odds? I cannot wait to have him over for dinner with my family, and take him to Mardi Gras and all that. Here is a picture of Pierre (IS HE BEAUTIFUL OR WHAT?)

But when I first met him, he looked like this:

You see, the reason they invited us over to their home was because they were having their cremaillere (housewarming party) and the party was themed. You were supposed to dress up as your last name. For example, for Max Colomb (the other roommate, also super handsome) he dressed up as a columbine drug lord.

So of course my name being LeBlanc, I dressed in all white. WORST MISTAKE!!!!!! At the end of the night I had wine red stains and mud all over it. Why mud? Oh don't worry readers, I will not leave you in suspense. So the party is going on and everyone is having a great time. I am talking to french people, drinking a lot of boxed wine, and dancing around. Then the hot mess in me comes out. In the kitchen, I was trying to do stage fight punches with people (where you pretend to get hit and fall over), but because I was drunk, I REALLY fell over and onto a bookshelf holding dishes and glasses (...in my defense I only broke one dish), but then I got spagetti everywhere. The next day someone took a picture of it the mess I left:

It was actually much worse then this at the time, but I drunkenly tried to clean up as much as I could and shove it into a corner

So then if that wasn't hot messy enough, Corbin SITS AND BREAKS THEIR RADIATOR. Seriously, this is a housewarming party and we are breaking shit they have never even used! They were probably thinking, who invited these foreign assholes? They kick everyone out of the party to relocate to a nearby bar (the only way to ensure safety in the apartment). At this point, Corbin is pissed off at the world, and we are both really drunk. Being the gutterpunk he is, he wants us to go sleep in a park. So we tried that shit for like two seconds, but it was like HELLLLL NO it's too cold. So I basically just got my dress muddy. We try to find our friend Manon, but when we call her she is at this random guy's apartment (his name is Ben and they met at the party). Between me being drunk, us not knowing the city AT ALL, and all of the directions are in French, understanding how to get to this guy's apartment was impossible to do over the phone and at some point I gave the phone to a random homeless guy on the street to try and figure out the directions. Finally another random guy (who I had been calling Grizzly Bear all night-- he looks like the lead singer of the band) finds us on the street to direct us. He tells us that Maxime was looking for Corbin and wanted to talk to him about the radiator. Corbin was, I think, to scared to man up to Max about it, so he just says I'M GOING SLEEP IN A PARK and abandons me with Grizzly Bear. He takes me back to my apartment, to Manon.

So I get back to Manon and tell her what happens to Corbin. As she is trying to sort it out on the phone with him, I fall asleep on ole Grizzly Bear's shoulder.

So next thing I know it is morning, and someone is tapping me awake. I am in a bed next to Grizzly Bear, and he asks me something in french. I can't understand what he is saying, and I am half asleep. I ask him to repeat. He is asking if I want to do something, but I can't understand. Maybe after the 5th time he repeats it, suddenly everything is clear. I understand each word-- "Est-ce que tu as envie de me sucer?" Let me translate for you: Do you want to suck me? As in, his dick. 

I was like, ....Oh. Naaaaaaaahhhhhh. That might have been the last thing I wanted to do. I really wanted to laugh at the time, because I had to get him to repeat to me several times he wanted me to suck his dick. What a weird situation! He asked me if I was sure. I was like, oh yes. I am so sure. WTF. He left, leaving me alone in this apartment where I seemed to be the only one. I was then stricken with panic-- what had happened to Corbin? Was he dead somewhere? Freezing in a gutter?

So I should let you know by this point I had lost my phone. I actually lost my blazer at the party which had my camera and my phone in it. I couldn't call Corbin to see if he was okay, or call Manon to see where she was. After thirty minutes of just sitting in the empty apartment, I explored around and found a staircase. I assumed Manon was up there with the guy she had gone home with. I didn't want to interrupt anything they may have been doing (wink wink), but I was really worried about Corbin so I went up. I saw a door with a crack open, so I looked in, expecting to see Manon, but it was CORBIN. How did he get there? I will never know. He doesn't know either. Apparently when he left me he actually had a pretty good night. He walked around the city and got pizza and beer (I, however was starving the whole night because we missed dinner. I was pretty J as in Jealous). We regrouped with Manon, and headed back to her friend's apartment.

Saint Etienne was a really beautiful city. We spent the day walking around, ate some delicious kababs, and got invited to this french girl's apartment for tea and pains aux chocolate. Yum! Her apartment was so cool, with such a great view.

The Kitchen

The Livin' Room.

The View

The best thing about the weekend is that by the end of our two nights we spent there, everyone felt like family to us. We met this one french girl, Chanez, who might be my soul mate (consequently, soul mate in french is ame souer, which means "soul sister", but you even use this term with boys). She was hilarious, witty, and so much fun. Her two celebrity crushes are Jack Black and Little Wayne, and she taught me all about the movie, The Human Centipede (a film about a crazy doctor who attaches three people together, anus to mouth, to form a centipede. Watch the trailer here.) She lives in Paris and invited us to stay with her anytime she goes-- French people are so nice!

The only thing that sucked about this weekend is the fact that I never found my dingle dangle phone. I am completely forgetful, and everyday I lose either my wallet, my keys, my phone (the most common occurance), or my bus pass. I swear I spend half my life searching for crap. So anyway, I actually just bought this phone TWO DAYS before the party. I bought a new phone because I have this go-phone type situation where I have to buy credit. The first phone I got with SFR was costing me too much, so I bought another phone with another company which provides free texting. I had to buy the phone, sim card, AND I put 60 euros worth of credit on it. So all in all, I lost 80 euros... but I did gain a beautiful drunken night, right? And luckily, my blazer and my camera were recovered.

This Thursday, me and my ladies are heading off to Barcelona, Spain. I'll be coming home Monday via Covoiturage. I am so excited! Don't know any Spanish. I am just gonna be like HOLA DOGS. YO QUERO TACO BELL. MI CASA ES SU COCHE. Que Sera Sera! We are trying to couch surf, but have no definite plans. If we have no place to stay, we will just spend the whole night dancing in the clubs, and in the morning we can just go to the movies and sleep there. This is legit, yes?

Can we take a second to appreciate how good my legs look in this photo?

Hanging out under blankets. The apartment was really cold. Probably because we broke the radiator

Anyway, I'll update when I get back from Spain. Sorry this post was as long as my dick. Stay Classy. Here is a weird video that makes me laugh a lot.