I Can't Believe I Wasted a Whole Jar of Chicken and Stars What An Idiot

Can we just talk about how fucking cool my friends in Baton Rouge are? Check out this Venture Bros. themed halloween pic:

Go Team Venture!

Seeing things like this on facebook make me want to jump on a plane and get the hell out of France. In France, they don't hardly celebrate Halloween at all. Why? It is a freakin cool holiday where you dress up as someone way cooler than yourself and then party and eat candy. What is not to like about this holiday? Check out my friend Emma Fick's halloween rendition of Frida. IT'S TOO GOOD.

God what a class act!

SO what has been occupying my life I've returned to civilization aka Aix En Provence? Two words: Wine Bombs.

God, what a class act!

 A WHOLE NEW LEVEL OF SOPHISTICATION. We've been to box wine, then classed it up to BAG wine, AND NOW MAY I PRESENT TO YOU THE WINE BOMB. In two flavors: rouge and rose. You know those plastic containers that you fill with gasoline and keep in your garage/car trunk for emergencies? Well take one of those and fill it with cheap wine and you've got the wine bomb. How much would you pay for one of these wine bombs? A normal box of wine cost about 9 Euros and holds about 3 liters of wine. BUT THE WINE BOMB HOLDS 5 LITERS OF WINE AND COST 4.50 EUROS. WHAAATTTTTTTT????? How is this even legal? Do you guys realize how much fucking wine this is for 4.50 Euros?? Also, they are heavy as shit, and I live a thirty minute walk from the grocery store to my dorm, so whenever I have to carry one of these home I pretend to be The Bride from Kill Bill when she is training with Pai Mei and she has to carry those really heavy water jugs and crap. It's pretty fun. The only problem with the Wine Bombs is that they are so huge and full of delicious wine that they are nearly impossible to pour without getting wine fucking everywhere. Solution? We pour that shit in the shower. It just adds to the classiness of the already quite classy situation.

So in Barcelona I bought a pocket knife for 11 Euros which I thought afterward was a pretty stupid move, since I tend to lose things so often, but let me tell you, this pocket knife IS CHANGING MY LIFE. I feel infinitely safer (not that French people EVER scare me... even when they should I can't take them seriously because, well, they are French), I have already used the hidden tweezers in several situations (emergency grooming, removing splinters, etc), and the knife and corkscrew function I use all the time. I highly recommend any badass to start carrying a knife, but specifically a Swiss army knife.

That's all for tonight. I will leave you with this thing I like