Where to begin! I feel like a lot of the stuff I will write about will be about food. Can you say PICNIC WHAT WHAT? We live right next to this beautiful park, and on one sunny sunday afternoon, we went Yogi Bear style.
Mostly there were just a lot of "how long can you keep your legs in the air" competitions:
So all my friends Baton Rouge theme parties had been making me jealous, so we decieded to throw our very own. ROCKABILLY. We cooked hott dogs and french fries, dressed up greaser and pin up style and listened to sock hop music. For my outfit, I wore a pink and black high wasted skirt, a black lingere corset and a black cardigan. Accessorized with a hair flower and thigh high stockings BIZAM! And for some reason Blogger isn't letting me finish this post, so I will be back soon with PART TWO of this post because I still have more stuff to tell yall.
I won most slutty rock-a-babe award
Jan and I. I like his slicked back hair and buddy holly glasses
Sorry for the lack of posts lately, I have been balls deep in adventuring I guess. What has been going on lately? The other night I decided to cook for 10 of my friends in the dorms. What was on the menu? HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF A BATLOC?? They are so fucking good. I will just copy and paste the details I made for the group event::
If you are wondering what you should do with your lame ass Thursday night, here is the answer:
COME STUFF YOUR FUCKING FACE WITH SOME FUCKING FOOD
What's on the menu? DO YOU KNOW WHAT A FUCKING BATLOC IS??? ...Batloc is a sandwhich which contains::
Bacon
Avocado
Tomato
Lettuce
On
Croissant
(You can also put other stuff! Aka Mayo! Mustard! Chips! Cocaine! WE DON'T JUDGE HERE!)
DID THE GODS COME UP WITH THE SANDWICH COMBO?? Maybe. Or maybe it was my mother. EITHER WAY YOUR MOUTH BETTER BE SALIVATING AT THIS POINT.
There will also be FUCKING SALAD and FUCKING DESSERT. SNACKS ON SNACKS!!!!! WHY WOULDN'T YOU EAT THESE THINGS?!?!
So we didn't have school this Thursday because of Armistice day, which was great because I needed to go to Carrefour to get all the supplies. Carrefour is like Wal Mart in France-- they've got it all. It is really far away and usually you have to take a 20 minute bus ride to get there. My friend Ben graciously offered to go with me to help me carry stuff. We actually decided it would be more badass to run all the way there and then take the bus back. BUT THERE WAS A CATCH. I had a time limit. I am doing a project with two Chinese girls (I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEIR NAMES ARE AND HAVE BEEN SKIRTING AROUND THIS FACT FOR WEEKS.... )and I had a rendez-vous with them in my room at 3 p.m. We we a little worried we would get totally lost trying to find our way there, but surprisingly we only got a confused once (a wee bit delay) and we ran to carrefour in UNDER AN HOUR. We were fucking proud. But there was a big hitch in the trip-- for the trip back we were planning on taking the bus. We fucking got on the wrong bus, heading towards FUCKING ARIZONA or some shit (it took us into some mountain desert) where we had to get off the bus and wait for the bus driver to pee in some bushes before we could get back on the bus and towards our original destination.
So yes, I was late for my Chinese rendez-vous, but not for the reasons we had expected. But you know what they say about women-- they like it when you make them wait.
So then we ate fucking Batlocs that night and it made me so homesick. Especially for bacon!
Ben Jones was Bacon Master of the night. And I quote "Fuck love. Bacon is the real battlefield"
So much Avacado! Lettuce!
Hard Boiled Eggs, Goat Cheese, Tomato, Avocado
Me and my bacon master
Michelle's first Batloc
Well it was a lovely dinner, and everyone was well fed. I spent about 60 euros on the food, but I was paranoid about having enough to eat for everyone and I bought too much. And I spent 20 Euros on the desserts which were fucking delicious. So for ten people that came out to 6 euros per person. The night ended abruptly when we were kicked out of the kitchens for having alcohol. What bullshit! We weren't causing a ruckus, we were just having some wine with our dinner. I MEAN COME ON THIS IS FRANCE. And plus, we were all well over the drinking age.
This weekend we decided it was time to have another gutter punk weekend. This included my Ben Jones and I running to downtown Aix carrying Wine Bombs. At one point while running downhill, Ben promptly SKIDDED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PAVEMENT FOR FOUR MINUTES. I seriously remember watching it and it feeling like a lifetime. When is this guy going to stop skidding all over this pavement? He received plenty of nasty cuts and was pretty bloody, which if you look at it in a glass full type of perspective, went along great with our gutter punk theme. I took pictures of his cuts the next day, but they do not represent how bloody and badass he looked
Hey, what you doing tonight? Not givin' a fuck, probably.
J Christ? More like, B Jones.
But the greatest part about it was that after he fell, he got right back up and we continued our drunken run. The night turned out alright, but there were a bunch of British people who kept trying to cock block our good time. Seriously, I don't mean to generalize, but most of the British people I've met here in France suck ass.
Today I got to hang out with my neighbor Lea's mom. She is an English teacher in Bordeaux France and she let me and Ben correct some of her student's papers.
Tonight, my friends and I went to my favorite fucking fast food restaurant in Aix. Scratch that. FAVORITE ANY KIND OF RESTAURANT OF ANYWHERE. It is called BURGERS AND CHICKENS. The thing about it is that not only is it cheap and delicious, but the building itself is the same set up as all of the clubs in Aix. And there is a TV and you can watch anything you want. We watched LES SIMPSONS
Manon Jan et Corbs getting ready for the BEST MEAL OF THEIR LIVES
Watched Les Simpsons in French. They must have some all simpson's network in France because they played like, 5 episodes in a row
We were like "how will we ever finish this mountain of fries" and then "Where the fuck did all the fries go?"
My sandwich included a hamburger patty, a chicken patty, tomato, a fried egg, and a hash-brown on Texas Toast WHAT?
Me dancin' in the Burgers and Chickens lounge
Tomorrow we are having a picnic in the Park. I can't wait to eat 12 bananas in a row there.
I will leave you all with a video I will dedicate to my Canadian friend Andrea Cownden (if she reads this blog). My Canadian friend showed it to me. All I am sayin' is, I am ready to move. Vancouver, HERE I COME.
Can we just talk about how fucking cool my friends in Baton Rouge are? Check out this Venture Bros. themed halloween pic:
Go Team Venture!
Seeing things like this on facebook make me want to jump on a plane and get the hell out of France. In France, they don't hardly celebrate Halloween at all. Why? It is a freakin cool holiday where you dress up as someone way cooler than yourself and then party and eat candy. What is not to like about this holiday? Check out my friend Emma Fick's halloween rendition of Frida. IT'S TOO GOOD.
God what a class act!
SO what has been occupying my life I've returned to civilization aka Aix En Provence? Two words: Wine Bombs.
God, what a class act!
A WHOLE NEW LEVEL OF SOPHISTICATION. We've been to box wine, then classed it up to BAG wine, AND NOW MAY I PRESENT TO YOU THE WINE BOMB. In two flavors: rouge and rose. You know those plastic containers that you fill with gasoline and keep in your garage/car trunk for emergencies? Well take one of those and fill it with cheap wine and you've got the wine bomb. How much would you pay for one of these wine bombs? A normal box of wine cost about 9 Euros and holds about 3 liters of wine. BUT THE WINE BOMB HOLDS 5 LITERS OF WINE AND COST 4.50 EUROS. WHAAATTTTTTTT????? How is this even legal? Do you guys realize how much fucking wine this is for 4.50 Euros?? Also, they are heavy as shit, and I live a thirty minute walk from the grocery store to my dorm, so whenever I have to carry one of these home I pretend to be The Bride from Kill Bill when she is training with Pai Mei and she has to carry those really heavy water jugs and crap. It's pretty fun. The only problem with the Wine Bombs is that they are so huge and full of delicious wine that they are nearly impossible to pour without getting wine fucking everywhere. Solution? We pour that shit in the shower. It just adds to the classiness of the already quite classy situation.
So in Barcelona I bought a pocket knife for 11 Euros which I thought afterward was a pretty stupid move, since I tend to lose things so often, but let me tell you, this pocket knife IS CHANGING MY LIFE. I feel infinitely safer (not that French people EVER scare me... even when they should I can't take them seriously because, well, they are French), I have already used the hidden tweezers in several situations (emergency grooming, removing splinters, etc), and the knife and corkscrew function I use all the time. I highly recommend any badass to start carrying a knife, but specifically a Swiss army knife.
That's all for tonight. I will leave you with this thing I like
HOLA MI AMIGOS!!!! Just got back from Spain last night. How beautiful can a place be? Great company, delicious food, janky adventures. I left by bus on Thursday with Manon (Austrian) and Frances (Australian). The bus ride was pretty uneventful except that we got stopped in Avignon for a bit because of blockage caused by the FREAKING STUPID STRIKES that I wish would just go away. We got to Barcelona around 11 p.m. and went out for drinks at this swanky hotel before going to our hostel. So at the hostel we are in a room with three other people who are not there, but we can tell from their luggage and crap they have everywhere in the room that they are dudes. We go to bed, but are woken up when they return at 3 A.M. TO DO LINES OF COCAINE OFF THE DESK OF OUR ROOM. Whhhaaaaaatttttt. I tried to act all nonchalant or whatever, but I had never seen anyone doing cocaine. Then they proceeded to SMOKE WEED which was pretty smelly and the owner of the hostel came in to yell at us. I was pretty sure we were all going to get kicked out, but luckily the guy was just like "You kids are too trouble! No marijuana here!"
So we found out the other guys were from South Africa (they were white and spoke English, so not as exotic as you may be imagining). We told them that I was Austrian and my name was Margo (my fake name for the entirety of the voyage, and homage one of the coolest chickas I know, Margo Sullivan) and we told them that Manon (who actually IS Austrian) was Sarina from Louisiana. This was pretty hilarious because Manon has a very thick Austrian accent, so to prove she was from Louisiana she just played Garth Brook's "Calling Baton Rouge" on repeat on her ipod speakers. One of the guys had actually just visited Austria and was asking me if I had been to all these different bars and I was like, "ummm.... I've heard of that one, just never been. I hear that is where people drink sometimes! Is that the one with the stools and the alcohol? Yeah I may have been there. Austria is cold, isn't it?"
We ended up going to the out with these guys later in the week. They actually turned out to be pretty cool for the most part.
Manon with one of the Africans. Whut's up, cute stuffs?
During the day we walked all around the city and took pictures. I got to see a bunch of the famous Spanish architect Gaudi's works.He is super famous because he created all these crazy houses and cathedrals that were inspired from Nature. In this one house we visited, there were no straight lines. It was like being underwater. The guy was a genius. Check out this shit:
Casa Batllo-- Free Audio Guides With Entry HELL YEAHHHH
The walls look like fish scales, and the staircase like a spine
His master work, the Sangrada Familia. He died before finishing it, and people have been trying to get it done for years. He died because he wanted to get a view of it from across the street, and as he was walking backwards, a tram hit him.
So the party atmosphere in Spain is really fun. Manon and I hit the streets looking for adventure (Frances headed home early-- there is some kind of flu going around and sha bebe was under the weather). We found this free outdoor ska concert AND I WAS IN GUTTERPUNK HEAVEN. Everywhere I looked there were dirty beautiful boys with muttonchops and peircings. I was too shy to talk to any of them though (mostly because I don't speak spanish). It was just so refreshing to find boys that are not so feminine *cough cough french dudes cough*. Seriously, I just wanted to ride the subways all night and kiss gutterpunk boys. After the ska show was over, we went to this one swanky bar where it was Manon's heaven because she loves older sophisticated men. Spain has something for everyone!! We ended the night at this kind of indie bar where Manon successfully flirted with the waiters (BEST IDEA EVER HELLO FREE DRINK CITY!!!) and they invited us to a dance club after they got off work. When the club closed around 4, they invited us to an apartment party. Hello funville! I love apartment parties. It was Halloween themed (even though it was the Saturday before Halloween) so a lot of people were dressed up. The DJ was a cow. I ended up hanging out with this British guy named Ignatius (what kind of name is that?) who was a bad kisser but a great dancer. I told him I was heir to the Petco throne. I also just screamed "MI CASA ES SU COCHE" at Spanish people the whole night which literally means "MY HOUSE IS YOUR CAR". I didn't know this at the time, but apparently if you say that it is in some kind of sexual context like, are we going to do it in my house or your car? I just wanted practice my Spanish!
Anywhoziles, the party was fun and we didn't get back till 7 a.m. Spanish people know how to party.
The next day we were joined by Michelle P and her friend Sophie! They are both in France, but her friend is in Dijon. Finally we had Spanish speakers in our group! The rest of the trip was very sex and the city. Going around town, a lot of girl talk, delicious meals with Sangria and generally feeling great.
Paella, holy crap this shit is the bomb
Every night for dinner we ate Tapas and drank Sangria. Tapas are like finger foods and you order a bunch and everyone shares and then you're in the best mood of your life and everyone makes out and it is like the feeling you get when you find out that the class you felt bad about sleeping through was canceled anyway and you are like YESSSSSSSS
Shout out to E. Fick! Traveling sweater picture in a Barcelona park. Got that skirt from a Spanish vintage store
At the market. Even their commerce is a Fiesta!
Frances and I had an afternoon to ourselves and she asked me what I wanted to do. I told her, jokingly, I wanted to go to the uncircumcised dick museum. Hilariously, she brought me here. I googled "Barcelona Dick Building" and found out the name is the Torre (tower) Agbar. Seriously.
Sadly, I had to leave beautiful Barcelona. I used Covoiturage and once again, a great experience. I only paid 25 Euros to go from Barcelona to Aix, and I rode with this french couple and another passenger who was from Romania.
SO! Let's sum up the trip
Things Lost:
*Phone. Status: Recovered (left it in old hostel while switching to a new hostel, pas grave)
*One 10 Ride Metro Ticket. Status: Recovered (I found it after I bought ANOTHER 10 ride ticket, however)
*Grey Sweater. Status: Recovered (Frances merely borrowed it! But she took great pleasure in thinking I had lost it)
*Flashlight. Status: Missing in Action. (I gave it to other hostel members to search around in the dark for stuff)
Things Bought:
*Vintage Skirt
*TWO CALCULATOR WATCHES ONLY 5 EUROS!
*Swiss Army Knife. Already cut the crap out of me and my neighbor accidentally.
Now it is back to the ole ball and chain. I'll leave you with a song I've been listening to a lot lately. It is Elvis Perkin's While You Were Sleeping.
P.S. What is going on in the States? Are there some kind of elections going on? How do I vote for Chester A Arthur?
