Bloodstains, Speed Kills, Fast Cars, Cheap Thrills

This weekend was pretty Gutter Punk.

Saturday my friends Ben, Michelle P, Frances and I went on a frugal shopping spree around France. There are no such things as goodwill or salvation army in Aix (my favorite stores in the US!) but every now and then there are fundraiser type things that sell second hand clothing. This fundraiser we found was for something about alcohol. Probably not to drink it. Or maybe that we should be drinking more? I found some cool deals.

Blazer! Tons of french girls sport the blazer. I sport mine for 2 euros.

This shirt was weird, but it felt patriotic.

We also split a Pizza, chatted over some coffee and got some ice cream. The Ice Cream was so legit delicious. They even shaped your ice cream in the cone so it would look like a flower:

Michelle P was confused. Why did they give me this flower? I thought I ordered ice cream? Boy did she feel  foolish when she tried to place it in a vase.

So Aix has really weird festivals every week. Last week, if you remember, was the festival of transportation where all the buses were free. This weekend it was the festival of Security. That means we got to see police officer guns and sit in fire trucks and stuff. Doesn't my friend look legitimately dead in this picture?

P.S. I also bought the sweater he is wearing from the same second hand sale. 2 euros!

I wonder what festival will be next week? Festival of Canned Vegetables? Festival of Woven Baskets? They all seem so arbitrarily chosen. When will they accidentally pick a super cool theme for a festival?

Anywhozzile, you are probably thinking, Angela, this weekend doesn't sound gutter punk at all. Okay, so here is the good stuff. This weekend I met some friends at the bars to have so drinks and then go dancing. My friend Ben had waaayyyyy to much to drink and was stumbling around in drunken bliss. He eventually sat his drunken booty on the curb next to a group OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL gutter punks I have ever seen. What is it about these boys that attract me? Lack of showers? Mutton chops? At this point, Ben literally is slumping on this french g.p. and I take this as an opportunity to go talk to him. He had bleach blond hair with brown sideburns and a nose ring. I drew a picture of him so you could get more involved with this story.

He actually looked nothing like this

The point is, he was really nice and cute, and since I had learned a lot about punk music from a past boyfriend, I impressed him by dropping band names and crap. He told me that his friends were crazy and could be bastards, as I watched them pissing in public. Why was I attracted to all this? Maybe it is because I have my own secret longing to be able to pee outdoors?

At the end of the night I wanted to give him my phone number. He wasn't from Aix but he comes here almost every weekend. As he was entering my number into his phone, I talked to one of his friends who was wearing a leather jacket with a Ramones patch about some bands. Here is a drawing of him:

Again, he looked nothing like this

We were in the middle of talking about Motorhead, and all of the sudden he grabbed me, BY MY BEAUTIFUL BUTTOCKS, pulled me in and kissed me-- in front of his friend I was trying to give my phone number to!!!! I pulled away pretty quickly, (even though I was actually happily surprised and excited he kissed me) not knowing what to do because I was literally in the process of giving my number to someone else. But I'll tell you, that was a pretty spontaneous/ballsy move, and it left me in some kind of love struck frenzy. I can't stop thinking about these gutter punk kids now. Hopefully they will call me the next time they are in Aix. I'll keep you updated.

But I actually walked home with another gutter punk kid from Canada who I randomly met. His name is Corben (or maybe Corban?? I don't know. It sounds like a made up name if I ever heard one). We walked home, had some laughs, and took the long route. When I suggested we should head back because of the cold, like a Canadian Mountie  gentleman, HE OFFERED ME HIS DENIM VEST. I don't know, dear readers, if you know anything about Denim vests, but they have NO SLEEVES. Yeah, dude, thanks. My shoulders/chest/stomach area are really warmin' up now.  And it was even weirder because I had a leather jacket with me, but I was holding at the time. We decided to trade off.

Later I went home and investigated the pockets. Can someone please tell me what these things mean? He had:

1) A condom (better safe than herpes!) 

2) A guitar pick 

3) A five dollar bill. American. Why would he have this? He is Canadian. Was it a tip for me?

So last night I invited him over to watch a movie. We watched the James Bond classic Dr. No. At the end of the night, no kiss, no bisous, not even a hug. He did express interest in wanting to hang out more though. I have a suspicion he is gay. Why? Because during Dr. No the American spy wears these really weird feminine looking sunglasses and he just kept saying how much he liked them. And he talked about how good Sean Connery looked in his trousers. I mean, maybe I am being over paranoid, BUT SINCE I AM THE STRONGEST GAY MAGNET of France, nothing would surprise me at this point. If I met Rambo in France and he told me he was gay, I wouldn't even blink. .... is that an expression? Or maybe it's I wouldn't bat an eyelash? Whatever, I hope y'all get what I mean.

Seriously. If gay guys want to meet other gay guys, they should not go to gay clubs, they should just come hang out with me.